ALTERNATIVE FACTS AND PLAQUES

"Contrary to reports in the biased liberal media, I have a lustrous, wavy, full head of hair," declared Capitol's Scott Greer during this plaque presentation commemorating 1m adjusted sales of Jon Bellion's "All Time Low." Later, the following people learned the alternative fact that their sub sandwiches were actually oysters and caviar (l-r): the label's Brittny Silberman, VP Promo Joe Rainey, manager Harrison Remler, Greer, Bellion, EVP A&R Mike Flynn and manager Chris Zarou.

HITS LIST: HORSEPOWER
VRRMMMM (5/17a)
NEAR TRUTHS: VARIANTS
Celebrity death match underway on album chart (5/17a)
OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
Another talented journalist trapped in the career cul de sac (5/17a)
THE COUNT: LIVE NATION TAPS TYLER, POST, BLINK FOR TOP U.S. FESTS
Cornering the market on surefire headliners (5/17a)
STAPLETON, WILSON BIG WINNERS AT THE ACMs
A genre mash-up at the home of the Cowboys (5/17a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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