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Thursday, July 14, 2016

AN APP-OLOGY TO THE INDUSTRY

We at HITS would like to apologize to the music industry for sleeping on the amazing news that Pokemon Go characters have infiltrated the major record labels. This bombshell report came from the laser-like investigative minds at the Industry Bible, which detailed the various nonexistent creatures from the popular app that had materialized in record executives' offices.

Clearly, we should've been all over this, rather than wasting our time handicapping the likely Grammy nominees, interviewing executives like Mike Dungan or assessing the economic impact of streaming growth. We won't let it happen again.

 
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HITS LIST: HORSEPOWER
VRRMMMM (5/17a)
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NEAR TRUTHS: VARIANTS
Celebrity death match underway on album chart (5/17a)
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OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
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THE COUNT: LIVE NATION TAPS TYLER, POST, BLINK FOR TOP U.S. FESTS
Cornering the market on surefire headliners (5/17a)
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STAPLETON, WILSON BIG WINNERS AT THE ACMs
A genre mash-up at the home of the Cowboys (5/17a)
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THE NEW UMG
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TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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